Don’t Show Up For A Negotiation If You’re Not Ready For Conflict

by drjim on August 2, 2013

In every negotiation there is going to be some conflict

In every negotiation there is going to be some conflict
Image Credit

How do you feel about conflict? I’m hoping that you don’t shy away from it when it shows up, because no matter what negotiation styles or negotiating techniques are being used, there is always going to be some conflict in every negotiation. It’s not the conflict that causes the problems in negotiations, but rather the way in which we choose to deal with the conflict that can cause a negotiation to become derailed.

Know When To Walk Away

One of the more dramatic examples of conflict in a negotiation is when you stand up and walk away from the negotiating table. When you do this, you effectively cut off the discussions and signal to the other side that there are significant issues that need their immediate attention.

It’s not just knowing when to walk away that is a key conflict-based negotiating skill, but also knowing when to come back to the table after you’ve walked away that can make this such a powerful tactic. What’s important to realize is that you don’t just suddenly know how to use this approach, instead you need to first use it on small deals and then you’ll be able to use it in a more casual manner during negotiations when the stakes are much higher.

Get Over Your Need To Be Liked

No matter what you tell other people, we all have a deep set need to be liked by others. This can cause a significant problem during your next negotiation because every negotiation involves conflict and this may run contrary to your need for the other side of the table to like you.

The reason that the need to be liked can be such a determent to good negotiating is because in order to win the approval of the other side, you may end up giving too much away. A great way to get around this issue is to appoint someone else to do the negotiating for you. This allows you to remain involved, but you can also keep your distance and won’t feel the need to be liked.

What All Of This Means For You

As humans, we generally try to avoid conflict in our daily lives. However, we need to understand that conflict is a part of every principled negotiation . This means that as negotiators we can’t be like everyone else.

We encounter conflict when during a negotiation we choose to communicate with the other side by walking away from the table. In the end, it’s our practice of this tactic that can make it so powerful. Additionally, we need to overcome our natural need to be liked. Conflict is a powerful tool and it can conflict with this need.

A negotiator needs to use all of the tools that are available to him or her. This means that we need to realize that conflict is simply another one of these tools. Taking the time to plan out how we want to use it can move us that much closer to reaching a deal with the other side of the table.

– Dr. Jim Anderson
Blue Elephant Consulting –
Your Source For Real World Negotiating Skills™

Question For You: When do you think that you should walk away from a negotiation: at the beginning, the middle, or at the end?

Click here to get automatic updates when The Accidental Negotiator Blog is updated.

P.S.: Free subscriptions to The Accidental Negotiator Newsletter are now available. Learn what you need to know to do the job. Subscribe now: Click Here!

What We’ll Be Talking About Next Time

In every negotiator’s career, there comes a time when we hit a wall. We’ve believe that we’ve learned all of the negotiation styles and negotiating techniques that there are to learn. We know how good we are right now, we know that we can become better, but we simply don’t know how to make that happen. This is when a lot of negotiators stall out. They simply lose their way and for the rest of their careers they maintain their current skill level and they never become any better. I’m not going to let that happen to you. I know what you need to do to get over this roadblock and I’m going to tell you what you need to be doing.

Be Sociable, Share!

{ 0 comments… add one now }

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: